Lately I've been hunting for an appropriate venue to test my new club uniform: a button-down Euroshirt with a reflective disco ball sheen. Ridiculous under the halogen lights of your average apartment? Perhaps. But when bathed in the ultraviolet wash of your standard nightclub, the shirt emits a pheromonal luminescence no club-going woman can resist. Why? Biology lesson: Women, like fish, are attracted to shiny and/or effulgent objects. In fact, those of you with a keen eye have surely noted that women are becoming increasingly indistinguishable from fish, as illustrated in the following scientific observations:

• Both attracted to shiny objects
  
• More fun to catch while drinking
  
• Neither travel well
  
• There's others in the sea and/or bar
  
• Three words: catch and release
  
• Both travel in protective groups
  
• Small bladders
  
• The deeper you go, the scarier they get
  
• Their weight largely determines their value
  
• [EDITED: My lawyer has requested that I remove this one from the blog… hint: crabs!]
  
• They get all ornery if you try to grab their tail
  
• Bears will eat either of them
  
• Sometimes I likes 'em wild, sometimes I likes 'em farm-raised
  
• You must document great catches or no one will believe you -- video preferred
  
• Easier to reel in if you let them wear themselves out first
  
• Seen the movie Splash? Case closed
  
• Cold blooded. Looking your way, Stacy.
  
• Neither can operate a vehicle
  
• They both eat things
  
• The harder they shake their tail, the farther they'll go in life
  
• Scales are important to each of them
  
• They never have to buy drinks
  
• Umm… Eggs? Duh
  
• Can hook either with a great line